i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
