i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
