how do flat chested girls get laid?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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