maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
