You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
