Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
