Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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