I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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