Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
