so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
