shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Someone signed my nipple.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
