I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize