im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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