That's when you crack a 10am beer
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
