My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize