The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
