Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
