Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
