Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
