can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
