when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
