i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
