I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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