Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
