Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
