After last night, I could never be a politician.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
