Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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