if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's get the cat blown out
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
