I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
