is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
