Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize