fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Come on in and take your pants off
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