We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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