Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
