I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
