At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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