omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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