He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
