I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize