you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
