My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
