i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
