Michael Bay diarrhea
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
