put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her vagine was all disorganized.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
