he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i think i just lost a toe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
