You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize