At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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