How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
