im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
