i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
