apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
