i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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