I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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