At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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