I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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