you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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