Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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