no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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