i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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