my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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