R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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