its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
