genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
