We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize