She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize