Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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