My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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