you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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