she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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